50 and beyond

Whenever I look at my two boys’ positive traits, I know that the traits are inherited from their father.

The older D1’s almost photographic memory comes from his father. His good looks (okay lah, my bias) comes from his dad. His smartness in assessing situation and making assessments of people comes from his daddy.

The younger D2’s charm is identical to his dad’s. His gentle nature is surely from his dad. His savviness and ability to ask that CEO’s style of cut-to-the-chase penetrating question is, of course, from his dad.

Then, when I see their flaws, I feel like I’m looking into the mirror.

D1’s extreme almost autistic black-is-black, white-is-white outlook of issues reminds me of my younger days when I could not accept grey. His bluntness in saying things as he sees it, which ends up hurting people, comes unfortunately from me.

D2’s inability to handle stress comes from me. His weakness in his studies is also inherited from me. And his Attention Deficit Disorder, I suspect, comes from both Hubby and me.

Then, there is the inability to be neat and organised. Both kids possess that trait and I know for sure that, that certainly is from me. And their grumpiness? Clearly me 😩

I feel sorry that they have these flaws, and that these traits originated from me. If they were more like their dad, their student lives would have been a breeze, and they would also be more popular with the girls 😉

D2 was diagnosed to have language processing difficulty in primary school. This greatly disadvantaged him, especially in Singapore’s education system where students learn primarily by reading. What aggravates this is that he also has ADD—Attention Deficit Disorder. You can just imagine how much D2 struggles in the classroom.

D2 started taking methylphenidate (brand names are called Ritalin/Concerta) from around Primary 4. But because he was so small then (again, he inherited his petite physical frame from his mom), he experienced great discomfort taking his medication. The meds made him lose his appetite and gave him this really strange sensation which he often described as “having a fan whirling in your head near the base of the back of  the neck.” I couldn’t bear to see him suffer and often relented when he asked not take the meds. He ended taking the drug very sparingly.

By God’s grace, he scrapped through PSLE and again, by God’s grace, he was accepted via Direct School Admissions to his current secondary school.

D2 didn’t take Concerta for much of Sec 1 to Sec 3. He said he wanted to self-regulate, but really, it was just that the side effects of the drug were too unpleasant for him. But by the end of Secondary 3, I knew I needed to intervene. He had failed every subject except for English, but fortunately, was allowed to advance to Secondary 4. With just 10 months to the O-Level exams, I knew I had to make some drastic changes. And so I did. I arranged for tuition classes for him for every subject (yup, tiger mom), and arranged for him to take Chinese as a Language B subject, so that he would be less stressed. And yes, my two boys’ atrocious Chinese was also inherited from me (sob!)

I also brought D2 to his paediatrician  to reassess his suitability to take Concerta again. The doctor noted that D2 had more than doubled his weight since Secondary 1 (where he used to be a scrawny 20kg) and could probably bear the side effects of Concerta much better now. And so, D2 agreed to try out Concerta again.

This time round, D2 responded differently to Concerta. He no longer felt the effects of loss of appetite and the “fan-whirling” sensation. He did feel a little worn out by the end of the day, but that was probably because he was actually concentrating during the day.

We all started to see improvements over the months. Within six months, in May, we were all encouraged when D2 passed all his class tests except for one subject. A remarkable reversal indeed!

This week is the week for secondary school to submit their application to the polytechnics under the Early Admissions Exercise. D2 is keen to secure a place in the ICT department at the polytechnic near our home, where he wouldn’t have to manage so many words. Right now, as I am typing this, he is at the polytechnic with his classmates to take an aptitude test. All the best, D2!. As I always tell you, I’m your biggest FAN! May the Lord open a path for you, where you can excel and contribute and where you can develop your full potential. Jia you! Your family will be cheering you in life and supporting you all the way. ❤️