50 and beyond

The year-end cool breezy weather is finally here. Once again, I find the joy of having my breakfast tea at my front porch. For most of the year, this outdoor dining table is an obsolete piece of furniture. It’s too hot to dine alfresco. There’s the constant threat of getting bitten by an Aedes mosquito too. But come December, the weather turns milder and way more pleasant and I dare to venture out. The dinner I hosted out here was a success; intimate and cosy.

This morning, I tried to take a photo of my morning cuppa tea with my mobile phone. I wanted to capture the fact that even though I have lived here for 3.5 years now, it still feels like I just moved in. It still feels a bit surreal. But I am terrible with creative stuff like photography. While experimenting, I realised that when using the portrait feature on my phone, I could not capture clearly both my pot of tea as well as the backdrop. It was one or the other. See the photos below? Taken within seconds of each other, same scene, but different focus.

Then, I saw that that’s the way I see life. When I am focussed on events unfurling right before my life, I can’t see the backdrop. And vice versa. I am very small-picture person, I don’t see or look for big picture. But here was God nudging me to take a step back and look at 2024.

At the first half of the year, I was attending two bible studies plus one bible class in a week. This was on top of CG. I give thanks for a new community of God-fearing and fun-loving people I got to know. Oh, and of course, bible study was eye opening.

Then, there was my involvement in the Japanese café partner programme, where I now have two Japanese café partners whom I meet almost weekly, am in the core group organising the monthly group conversation session, as well as the monthly Japanese CG. This involvement was a surprise to me; I am amazed at how I stumbled into this. It arose from a decision I made in 2021 to move out of my comfort zone to say “yes” to a request that I had no interest in.  

And lastly, my least active involvement as the coordinator of my church’s crochet/knitting group, which is part of the cancer-care ministry. Another “accidental” stumbled-into ministry.

Relationships are important to me, and I was deliberate in meeting up with old and new friends on an intimate level, to get to know them better. I learnt so much from their life journey. I felt privileged that they would share their journeys with me. I did not take their journeys lightly. My heart rejoiced with them and wept with them. I could not offer much help to them, just a listening ear. Who knew that a listening ear was enough to give them some comfort. And who knew that these sessions would minister so much to me as well…there are so many people out there who are walking in the fear of the Lord, even while walking in dark valleys. Some of you may be reading this…hang in there, dear friends!

Another seemingly unintentional decision—to attend my church’s breakthrough weekend—helped me wrap up my reflections on this stage of life for me, and helped with a difficult and yet simple decision, which has liberated me with regards to one area of my life.

Overall, this has been an “uneventful” eventful year for me, for my spiritual growth. (I like uneventful. I like calm. I like it when nothing tumultuous happens.) Some of the decisions I made were intentional, while others were unintentional. But decisions I made without putting too much thought into, amounted to my calendar being filled up with these activities that caused growth. I am grateful that God has been gentle with me this year.